Colleen: Family constellations have been called, "the most original work in contemporary psychotherapy." What is a family constellation and why is it important?

Sneh: A family constellation is a method through which we can uncover in a very short time and with amazing precision, hidden dynamics of relationships in a family that lead to illness and misery. And with this method, developed by Bert Hellinger, one can find out in what ways members of a family are entangled with each other, carrying someone else's feelings, someone else's destiny; and what course of action or non-action would be needed to free a person from such entanglements.

What can be experienced over and over with this method is, in short, that we tend to take on feelings from other family members and experience them as our own. An example: when a child has been given away, or a member has been excluded from a family, or their right to belong has been denied, then invariably another member of the family, sometimes two or three generations later, will behave as if they had been shut out of the family, or feels pressure to leave in some way. This is what is meant by entanglements. A person of the following generations will identify with the given away or cast out person and repeat their destiny again, sometimes exactly the same, sometimes in slight variations, but with the same result of losing their place in the family. This all happens on a very deep and unconscious level; it even happens without the entangled person knowing about the other person, or ever having met him. It looks as though something like a family conscience will not allow that anybody's right to belong has been denied. And if it happens, someone else will take the place and fill in, as if to point out in the direction of who is missing. That person will then feel himself drawn to follow the same pattern of living as the castout without consciously understanding why.

When we understand our entanglement, find out about the missing person we are representing, chances are that we can free ourselves from the pattern and start living our own lives. Or maybe through the understanding we can accept the path we chose, and stay entangled and in peace with the entanglement; as once I heard a son say, who's father went bankrupt and who himself had just suffered major setbacks in his business: "Dear dad, my failure brings me close to you. I am your son, I am like you!"

His accepting 'what is' made him relax, rather than struggling to not want to be like his father, and out of relaxation comes a more nourishing attitude towards life, towards business and ultimately towards oneself. And a relaxed body and mind can think better, can heal better, can enjoy this whole life much better. And isn't a life we enjoy the best prayer of thankfulness?

But now let me explain how a family constellation is done. You choose amongst the participants of the group representatives for your family members, not for all, but just for the ones that are needed to understand the hidden dynamics; and you set them up in the middle of the circle according to your own inner picture of your family. Which members will be needed will be decided by the facilitator of the constellation workshop after talking with the client.

By asking the representatives about their feelings in those positions, the facilitator gets a picture of how the entanglement is happening and to whom, where eventually someone is missing in the larger family that needs to be included again, to free the entangled out of their positions. Often someone's fate must be recognized and honored, one's own place must be taken again: if, for instance, a child was entangled with the mother of one of the parents, then it must shrink down to become the child again : "Dear mom, I am only the child." Then the mother can take her place again, sometimes for the first time, and the child can be the child, and, if there are siblings, be the brother or the sister again, or perhaps for the first time.

When we do not stand on our right place in our family, we also have a hard time standing our ground in our profession or in any group of people. To find our right place in the family means also to find our right place in life.

Colleen: How did this work originate?

Sneh: Bert Hellinger, who specified and created this special way of constellation work, gained much inspiration from his work as a missionary with the Zulus. I once heard him talk about how much he was touched by their way of honoring the ancestors. He was also amazed about the seeming absence of conflict between children and parents, the young and the older generations. And his rich background as a counselor and psychotherapist working with primal therapy and transactional analysis gave him many insights into the workings of the soul. Family constellations have been around for quite some time. Virginia Satir was perhaps the first to use them in the way of body sculptures. But Bert Hellinger, now in his 75th year, was the one to use this method in this unique approach of finding the entanglements of missing members of the family clan. By the way, sometimes it is not about a person, but about the feeling a person did not express.

Bert Hellinger is the founder of this specific kind of constellation work. Originally, placing the persons of a family as in a theater, in relationship to each other, was, to my knowledge, first done by Virginia Satir. In psychodrama this approach is also used. What is totally and uniquely different with the work of Bert Hellinger is that the people on stage do not 'act' according to what they think would be appropriate in that family, nor are the representatives of a family placed with gestures, like holding on to a family member. The representatives in the approach of Bert Hellinger are simply placed in the room, according to the client's inner picture, and only the place where they stand has importance, everything else will happen by itself. And the most miraculous thing will invariably happen: the representatives will start feeling exactly as the member they represent had felt in their position. This goes as far as bodily sensations and inner emotions. It is absolutely common that a representative will feel an injury a family member suffered, even if it was never mentioned by the client. I will never forget when I encountered this phenomenon the first time in a group in which I participated. I stood in the position of an aunt, when the feeling grew on me that I could nearly fall over to my side, because I had no feeling at all on the right side of my body. When I said that, the client suddenly remembered, that this aunt was paralyzed on one side of her body, since she suffered a stroke in her young years.

Another time, a representative felt clearly that something was wrong with one of his legs, only to hear later from the client that his grandfather had one leg amputated. In another group, a training group, a representative, standing in the place of the trainee, placing his system, started crying in what seemed to be real panic, and said with tears and with much difficulty, because he only could stutter, that he felt as if his legs where only stumps, that some one had cut them off. At that point, the person for whom he stood told that he had undergone an operation at age 2, in which the bones of his legs, because of a skeletal deformation, had been cut off, turned around in the 'right' position and put in a cast for months to heal. After he came back home from the hospital, he could not talk anymore as before, but did stutter for years. Stories like this can be experienced in each constellation and they never fail to puzzle me, nor the people involved. We do not know why it is like this; that we seemingly can tune into the energy field of a person with such precision, but we simply use it to better understand the dynamics of a family. And it is Bert Hellinger who discovered this and understood the importance of these findings well enough that it led him to uncovering incredibly useful insights into the laws of order that seem to govern us humans; laws that operate in the family clan, according to which love thrives or fails. One of those laws is that every member has the right to belong. Another one is that former partners will invariably be represented by one one of the children of the present family, even if the former partner is not known to that child, or even never mentioned in the family. But that child, enmeshed in a former partner, will act and behave like that person and also lead a life according to that destiny, in denying himself a happy life with a partner.

Colleen: Is this a workshop for health care professionals only or can the layperson attend as well?

Sneh: Even though is will definitely be of great help for the understanding of all health care professionals, it is utterly beneficial for people from all walks of life and circumstances. It is a beautiful and very powerful means to come to turns with difficulties in relationships inside and outside of the family. Quite similar laws exist in all kinds of systems; a work team profits as much from a constellation as does a family, marriage or partnership in trouble. The effect on any kind of health issue has also been found many times amazing. Sudden changes for the better in even chronic health problems suggest that this work can create a foundation to a healthy life, not only in the realm of the psyche, but also in the area of physical conditions.

Colleen: What are some of the benefits of having a constellation done?

Sneh: Observing over the years the outcomes of this work on people (including friends and myself), I am struck that through this work, dramatic and lasting changes have been made in ways I have never seen happening with such simplicity and often in such a short time. When I look around, I see two friends who were struggling for years with unhealthy and difficult relationships, seemingly falling again and again into some old trap; and all of a sudden they find the partner of their life, and everybody around them can feel how well this new partner fits to them and how much ease and happiness this new couple radiates. There has also been an astonishing number of pregnancies that happened after couples made a constellation addressing the problem of not being able to conceive children.

But the impact of constellations so far has shown its strongest working on all kinds of relationship issues, be it in partnership or inside the family. And it seems that, when we find our true place in our family, we find a partner much more easily, or the right work for us, or the good way to health. As long as we stand in an entanglement, happiness in life seems much more impossible.

Colleen: Is it a good idea for an entire family to attend the workshop?

Sneh: My experience with ENTIRE families attending a constellation is limited. In the cases in which it happened, it was very beneficial for everybody, because the truth of a constellation is very freeing for everybody, and to see and understand what keeps a family from harmony and happiness together is a great learning for a family, and can create strong bonds and feelings of belonging and being taken care of. I have facilitated, quite successfully, many constellations in workshops to which husband/wife, brother/sister, parent/child or children have attended. In fact, I encourage it.

Colleen: Please describe, what happens over the course of a three day workshop.

Sneh: During a typical three day workshop, approximately 15-18 people will have the opportunity to have their constellation done. In addition, and just as beneficially, they will participate in the constellation of others. To set up a family and find the good solution , or at least the good order that will help to let the solution appear, usually takes 20 minutes to an hour. During that time, the representatives of the family of a client will go from a usually quite chaotic first picture, that will show the calamity of this system, to a step by step new picture that holds the order, where the client can experience, sometimes for the first time, a place that is utterly the right place. This is usually felt with strong and positive emotions, and a sense of, "This is where I belong, this is my place, I feel good and peaceful ... " Sometimes a good cry is needed at this point, sometimes just a quiet standing and experiencing. It all depends how a person is geared to express their feelings. And very often, if an entanglement is shed, great feelings of relaxation and 'shrinking' into the right place can happen, especially if the person stood at a place more appropriate for a parent, rather than for a child.

Colleen: Your last workshop here in Sarasota was very successful. Do a lot of people take the workshop twice?

Sneh: From what I observe in my seminars, half of the people having done their constellation are happy with what they found out and simply go on with their lives. Or the results serve them in their ongoing therapy, whereas before they had reached a blockage, and now they can move on. You see, whenever we are playing out the fate of one of our ancestors, the problems that arise from their lives are felt as ours. But because they are not ours, it is very difficult to let go of them, because on the inside it would be felt like betraying them. If the entanglement is uncovered, we can step out of the other person's fate and leave whatever they experienced with them. Their 'problem' in our body/mind can then disappear all by itself. All that it takes is to see for whom we are doing what we do, to understand that we are, in effect, interfering with their destinies and to hear from them that this does not help them either; but that they need to be seen, their situation understood, and their destiny honored for what it is. When the 'problem' has, so to speak, gone back to where or to whom it belongs, we do not need any other constellation.

The people who do come back usually want to look into another of their systems; they might have done their 'family of origin' (siblings, mother, father and even grandparents, uncles or aunts with specifically tragic destinies), and now want to take a look at their present family (wife, husband, children, significant other or former partners). This is advised, when one or several of the children have great difficulties, or when the marriage or relationship is in danger.

There is also the possibility to have a constellation of the system we are in in our work situation; the team we work with, the employees we might have, the organization we work for. Also, the issue of doing a job we hate and yet not dare to let go of, or the seeming impossibility to earn the kind of money that would support us adequately; all these are issues where system constellations can bring great clarity and prepare the ground for lasting change. It is of great help when a person discovers that their lack of success is directly linked to the failed business of a grandfather, whom they unconsciously feel loyal to. Many times if the father did not have a very prosperous job, the children have great difficulty to allow themselves to be successful.

There is another reason why people come back for another or even several other workshops, and that reason can at times almost outweigh all the others: some people simply fall in love with this work. The sheer presence at a workshop of this kind will open up a whole new world that we have hardly ever looked at in our culture, and with that, a whole new understanding of the workings of our soul can happen, an understanding that cultures that are still in touch with have at the foundation of their lives.

Aside from all this, people love this work because it is most exciting and instructive at the same time; great understanding can come from it. I am really a lover of suspense, and a detective at heart, I also do love drama and love stories. All of this is the very stuff this work is made of. It is exciting and really thrilling work, and in the same time it is like detective work in uncovering the circumstances that lead people into entanglements. It can confront us with the deep bonds of love that make us take on someone else's fate, (and that in itself is quite a revelation), and then we can experience that, when we honor our ancestors, our fathers and mothers, we plug into the current of love that is there for all of us and from where comes the strength to allow ourselves to live truly fulfilled lives.

I have not yet mentioned another of the reasons why people come to constellations: this work is a great help in understanding more about ill health and sickness. To stand in other's shoes (of our family system) is not healthy. Bert Hellinger has worked a lot with severely sick people, many times with those fatally ill, and the findings show clearly the close relationship of entanglement with those family members who died prematurely; issues of guilt, where a kind of balance is tried to be reached through the attempt to atone (the same is also happening with injustice); in short, with the need to follow the destiny of some ancestor whose fate has been specifically tragic or who was responsible for a person's tragic fate. What all of this shows is, in fact, that many issues concerning the health and wellbeing of humankind can be put in a new perspective with this work. So people who come for more than one constellation do so because they understand or sense this.

Colleen: What made you get involved with this type of work?

Sneh: This is a very complex question to answer. First of all, it was not a conscious choice, but rather a chance meeting. One day in a book shop a book fell in my hands: "Love's Hidden Symmetry" it is called in the English edition (by the way an excellent book to dig deeper into the subject). And that was it. This book kept me awake at night, busy during the day, until I had fully read it. And then I read it all over again.

I had been working as a counselor with a combination of all the techniques I ever was trained in, all of which I still find some of the best tools created for the understanding of the human condition; tools such as Gestalt, Psychodrama and Primal work, and later NLP and Erickson Hypnosis just to name some, and I loved them all and gained great insights through them, but when this work of Bert Hellinger 'hit' me, it really blew me away. Everything I cherish comes together in this work. Also, what is very important to me, is that it is so deeply spiritual without being too much 'out there' that it fulfills my sense of what is important in live to the fullest. At the same time it is so down to earth and simple, that everyone can be touched by it, without any former training, just by the sheer simplicity of it.

Imagine a person who would not ordinarily believe what they cannot see, touch or feel. And I had many like that: husbands that accompanied their wives, employees sent by their boss, spouses that came because their marriage counselor had sent them. So all kinds of people that had either no idea what would await them, or came rather reluctantly, without thinking that this could bring any change. The good thing is that the work itself is more convincing than anything else you were ever told. And when such a 'nonbeliever' then stands in the place of a person he has never met, and starts to experience feelings that are new and astonishing, it has greater impact than reading about it or being told. And when, in this person's constellation he is confronted with his own system, many times hearing representatives talking the language of their family, without knowing them, reacting often to the words precisely like them ... then this is usually enough to get even the most skeptical person into a deep thinking process.

In effect, this is also one of the many rewards I get from doing this work. I feel it as a special gift if someone can let go of old beliefs through experiencing this work; if someone starts thinking in the direction that there is more to life than just what I can see or touch. And many times I have been present when people reconnected with the sense that we are in fact one; we are not separate, we are part of a system, many systems, part of a greater reality. Once the experience leads in this direction, the constellation work can be experienced rather like a liturgy, like prayer, like a deeply religious act, free of any sectarianism, open to every truly spiritual experience that is at the core of each human being, independent of color or race.

In my work with people of many nationalities, I have experienced this again and again, and I have greatly profited from working with Native Americans in and off the reservation, teaching them family constellation, while learning about rituals to invite and honor the ancestors, and guide them home; and more than all of that, to gain an understanding about what dignity lies in this connection, no matter how shattering and disruptive life's circumstances can be.

All together, I can say that to get involved with this work has been a benediction, but how it really happened that I met this work remains a mystery to me. I was not looking for something new; I was completely happy with what I had. My experience is rather that the work found me, simply took me in its service. And I am happy about it, very happy indeed. One of the great outcomes it had for me and my American husband is that it made us come back to his roots, after he had lived for 12 years with me in Germany. And me, I really enjoy following him in his country, find it utterly rewarding, inspirational and beneficial for my work. And I love it for my relationship with him, because now we can work together in ways that were not possible before. And in a country where so many cultures and nationalities come together, the search for the roots is even more exciting and surprising; and I am, after all, a lover of suspense.